Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
