I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
