Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
