You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
