break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
