Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
