So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
