We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
