I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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