Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
