Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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