You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
