Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
