just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
