You don't have asthma, your pregnant
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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