Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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