i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
