lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
