So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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