i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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