Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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