I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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