i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
