I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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