Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
