I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
