I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i believe in u and ur pee
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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