Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
