Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
