So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
