Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
