i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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