dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
