how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
