Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
