God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
