My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
