Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
