so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
