Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
