Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
