i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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