So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
