If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need water and some morals
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
