some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
