oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
