just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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