i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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