I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
