are you so shy because you have an std?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
