Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
