Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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